How to improve my relationship with my child?

The most important relationship to a child is the one they develop with their parents or caregiver. 

When a child has a positive, secure relationship with parents, it establishes the foundation from which they build their future relationships. Parenting is a big, complex job that should foster love and respect between parent and child. 

It requires becoming an emotional support figure, modeling a healthy relationship, teaching necessary skills for success in society, and providing basic needs - all this while also juggling other responsibilities. It's not an easy task!

Therefore, we would like to provide a few parenting tips that can help strengthen the relationship with your children:

 

1. Quality time

In order to spend quality time with our children, it is first and foremost important to be present and in the moment with them. The term "attunement" helps us understand this better - it is the ability to fully notice and "tune in" to the words, actions and emotions of a person with acceptance. 

We eliminate any distractors or prejudices that prevent us from connecting with our kid and "tune in" to their world. This opens the door for him or her to feel seen and heard.

We suggest setting aside uninterrupted time during which your little one can choose what to do for that time. 

It is important they decide what the game or activity will be (as long as it is safe) and you simply participate without judgment. This fosters a connection with your children and allows you to monitor their interests. It shows them that you care about the things that matter to them. They will definitely remember these special moments. 

 

2. Show affection

Before children can understand love through words, they understand it through physical affection. Touch is vital for a baby's healthy development and sense of security, and this holds true as your child gets older. 

Receiving eye contact, a comforting hug, or a brightening smile from a parent can speak leaps and bounds without having to say a word. However, this does not diminish the importance of saying "I love you". We should say this often and at different points in the day. Words of affirmation such as "You matter to me", "I love spending time with you", "I am grateful for you in my life," and many other phrases can make an indelible mark on not only your relationship but also your child's identity. These actions are the simplest and most effective ways to strengthen family relations.

So be intentional today and make an effort to show affection to your children. You will be impacting them more than you think.

 

3. Set boundaries and consequences

Relationships cannot thrive without having clear boundaries. Renowned psychologists Henry Cloud and John Townsend describe boundaries as follows: "Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. 

A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins. leading me to a sense of ownership." This helps foster a healthy sense of identity and a well-balanced relationship.

This is even more true for our relationship with our children. A kid needs structure and guidance. Setting up clear and simple rules at home is a way to set boundaries and build trust among family members, helping children know what to expect at home and develop accountability. 

It is important to have reasonable and simple expectations with your children. We strongly suggest this be done before you have to enforce them. When everybody is calm, share the expectations and the purpose behind them.

Nevertheless, keeping our children accountable to these rules is just as important. This accountability is strengthened by having consequences. When boundaries are crossed, clear and appropriate consequences must be set in place to reinforce the strength of the boundary.

Borrowing from the language of Responsive Classroom (a class management and engagement curriculum), consequences should be "respectful, relevant, and realistic".

• Respectful: we should never use shaming language when applying the consequences; it should be focused solely on the behavior. 

• Relevant: the consequence should be directly related to the behavior.

• Realistic: the consequence should be reasonable and manageable for both the adult and child.

 

4. Nurture trust

Developing trust with your children starts from an early age. Your child learns to rely on you to meet their needs, and you become a secure presence for them. This sense of security and trust in their primary caregivers gives children the confidence to explore the world around them.

Some ways to continue nurturing trust as your child grows include:

• Sticking to your promises and following through with what you say. This helps your child learn to trust your word. 

• Another simple yet effective way to nurture trust is by being available when your child needs help, showing that in case help is needed, you'll be there to support them.

Your relationship will continue to evolve as your child grows. Building trust from an early age also helps you trust them in making safe choices, as their interests and needs change.

Trust is a launching pad for them to become independent, knowing they can always count on you to be there for them.

 

 

About the author

Raul Alvarado is the 2nd-5th grade counselor at the International School of Panama, where he has worked for the last 10 years. Raul also works as a therapist working with children, teenagers, adults, couples, and families. He has a Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy from Harding University.

Raul has been married to his best friend for the past 11 years. He loves basketball, the outdoors, reading, and enjoying a good movie or series. He has a passion for serving others and promoting wellbeing.

 

About the author

Anna Rios is the PK-1st grade counselor at the International School of Panama, where she has worked for the last 2 years. Anna has a background as a therapist, working closely with children, teenagers and their families to foster emotional wellbeing. 

She has her Masters Degree in Clinical Psychology and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, with an emphasis in Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy from renowned institutes in Spain.